I am a decade into my career, and I still feel uncertain more often than I care to admit. I’ve managed patient crises, led teams, mentored students — I know that I’m skilled at what I do and I’m proud of what I’ve accomplished so far. Yet here I am, black coffee in my hand, as I review my long to-do list at my desk, feeling as though I lack the confidence to do my job. However, regardless of what I think or how I may feel, I make myself do the work.
“Fake it ‘til you make it” is a phrase many of us have heard before. Why does a phrase that seems to encourage disingenuous behaviour catch on? Maybe because it rhymes — but probably more so — because it works. I can recall reciting the phrase in my head as a means to overcome self-doubt when I was asked to deliver a presentation in front of a large crowd of doctors. I can recall that every time I overrode my self-deprecating thoughts with a confident “facade,” I survived the discomfort. Many times, I thrived in those “high-pressure” situations and each time I did it, I learned how to do it better next time. I’m not saying that I was able to prevent the anxiety from manifesting in my body, but mentally this mantra aided me to regulate myself to cope with the situation.
The Curse of Imposter Syndrome
Lately I’ve heard many women state that they relate to “imposter syndrome,” which can be described as the lack of belief that one’s success is deserved or legitimate. This concept makes me question why many talented and seemingly confident women believe themselves to be imposters. I wonder if there is a connection with women personalizing the “fake it ‘til you make it” philosophy that makes them feel as though they cannot take ownership of their hard work and earned success. Maybe this catchphrase has been sold to us as a cheat code for success that ultimately undermines our self-assurance.
What if we told women that they aren’t making it because they’re faking it? Instead, we could tell them the truth that they aren’t faking anything at all. We could explain that if you nurture, grow, and develop confidence on purpose, you naturally embody more confidence thereafter. Just like competence, confidence is a result of practice. Confidence happens from the doing, the mastering, the effort, and the learning… not from the faking.
Here are four ways to start cultivating confidence:
Modify Your Internal Dialogue
When one feels self-conscious, one can tune into awareness of self and observe one’s thoughts. Once you learn how to observe your thoughts, you can practice modifying the unproductive thoughts into productive thoughts. A strategy that I encourage my clients to use is called the three Cs: Catch it, Check it, Change it.
Adjust Your Body Language
You may have heard of the “power stance” or “Wonder Woman pose,” which is a standing body position that boosts confidence by appearing grounded, upright and expansive. Although a more subtle element of utilizing body language to cultivate confidence is to intentionally smile — smiling, whether forced or naturally, can scientifically lower your stress by cuing the release of dopamine and serotonin.
Practice Acceptance
When we remind ourselves that our feelings are not facts, we can accept them as temporary states of being. By naming and accepting our emotions we can empower ourselves to refocus on implementing our coping skills. Emotions are a lot less daunting when we accept them instead of avoiding them.
Connect With Peers
Sometimes in order to gather evidence to challenge our own thinking we rely on others to offer us a different perspective. Checking in with peers, mentors, friends or family can offer opportunities to gain validation, encouragement, and emotional support to push us forward. Our social support systems are a vital tool for learning because within our social safety net we can access kind feedback, role-modelling and genuine inspiration.
It’s important that we prevent women from believing the dishonest “impostor” narrative. As a society, we can start replacing the “fake it” catchphrase that sells us a lie. Instead, I propose that we amplify a different rhyme, one that reminds us that we can face our feelings head on to develop our resiliency. We don’t need to fake confidence because we can cultivate it – Face it until you ace it, ladies.
Written by Jessica Bodach
About Jessica
Jessica Bodach is a registered nurse psychotherapist and aspiring writer based in Newmarket, Ontario. She graduated from York University with a Bachelor of Science in Nursing. She is passionate about innovation and leadership within the healthcare system and maintains her CNA certification in psychiatric and mental health nursing. Outside of her career, she enjoys trying on new hobbies, such as gardening and pole dancing. She enjoys regular brunch dates with her husband and Sunday naps with her cat.
