The challenge of being an ambitious woman
Being in love with success can lead to many ups and downs, having a healthy relationship with both success and failure is key to being happy. Ambitious women have heavy loads to carry. Both at home and in the workplace. Sometimes the big wins are overshadowed by small losses when you put too much weight on the day to day, rather than the big picture. But easier said than done, right? Being in love with success can be just as volatile as being in love with the wrong person.
Last week was the perfect combination to make someone crazy.
Let’s start with the positive.
I had a really important listing to sell. A listing where the stakes were extremely high, a lot was on the line. I had this listing staged, professionally cleaned and it shined like a brand-new car. When I did a virtual walk-through, I brought hundreds of views to this listing. I had people reach out with questions and comments about how gorgeous it looked and I felt elated. Then this weekend, we received a “bully” offer which lead to us selling early and breaking a record. Big time. The condo sold for $45,000 more than any other (same layout) condo sold for in the building.
My clients were ecstatic and so was I. This is my drug. I live for this excitement. On top of this, I had showings with new clients on Saturday. I was rushing around to meet them. Had a great time showing them places for their first house and finished the day off with dinner at my in-laws. For me, this is a perfect day. I felt so much gratitude, I felt unstoppable.
The next day, I had to cancel my downtown revisit because of the protests downtown. I was disappointed because I knew my clients really wanted to go back and see the home they bought, but we were able to reschedule.
The next morning, I woke up feeling so happy that I considered putting my phone away for a few hours to do crafts with my son and just be in the moment. I often work on weekends, so a full day at home in pjs sounded like a great way to come down from the previous weeks of working seven days a week on repeat.
The #UGH moment
Then as I sat crafting with my little guy, my phone went off. My friend and past client was reaching out. Thinking it was a safe zone, I messaged back ready for casual banter as I crafted a cute kitten. Then out of nowhere, he tells me he is going to sell his house and buy another one, with his wife’s friend. He was kind and courteous and explained more than he had to. I have learned enough having dealt with situations like these, that how you respond when you are disappointed is very important. Especially if you want to keep your friendship. I would lie if I wasn’t crushed. Cue the thoughts about being inadequate and not good enough. That something must have happened to make them abandon me on this next step in their journey.
I was really hurt, regardless of if I had the right to be or not. My son and I continued crafting and I responded with kindness. The competitive spirit in me still wanted to encourage them to rethink their decision, but I knew the decision was made and I was now just being informed. I continued crafting with my son, but there was now a hole in my loop of happiness. These holes or “sad bombs” happen more often when you are self-employed.
This “always being available” lifestyle happened to me long before COVID. As soon as I became a realtor, I learned that unless my phone was off and I was unreachable, I was at risk of being hit with a ‘bomb’.
Following that conversation, I decided to make a soup. Culinary creations usually make me feel much better when disappointment strikes. You would think by now I have turned off my phone, but sadly that was not the case. Then, I received a message from the clients I met on the weekend. They were going to pass on the places I showed them, but they appreciated my time. Jumping from my last disappointment, I interpreted this negatively. I responded with positivity but I couldn’t shake my insecure feelings. Then, when it was bedtime, I passed out and had work nightmares the entire night. At 3:30 my brain woke me up, thinking my business was suddenly not going well. I got up and started strategizing until my son woke up a short time later ready to start the day.
I decided to focus on something more positive outside of work.
So I sat down and started researching vacations. My “go-to” when I need a fun mental escape. A few years ago my work colleague moved to the Caribbean. I remember she had started an Airbnb, so I thought how perfect it would be to go there, maybe even visit her at her new place and explore the beautiful island. Then, when I went to search for her post, it was gone and so was she.
I’d been deleted. We are no longer “friends”
I sent her a quick message asking her why she deleted me, and she responded it wasn’t me, it was her… Apparently, she deleted half of her list in a move to have more privacy. I understood her decision, but the rejection stung.
That’s when it hit me:
“Living success to success is just as volatile as living paycheck to paycheck.”
I went upstairs, sat on the toilet, closed my door and cried.
I let out all of the built-up emotions over the past 24hr. Because I had to.
This is not the first time that I have had multiple “sad bombs” tossed at me. But it’s the first time in a while and I needed to honour my real feelings. I didn’t share them with my husband, my son or my mom, but I allowed myself space to feel and experience disappointment. I think that is very important.
After I wiped my eyes, I reminded myself that having feelings does not make you weak, it makes you human. But I also realized that being in love with success creates a volatile relationship.
It is important to remember that when you are ambitious and trying to get ahead or improve your life, these ‘sad bombs’ may be hurled at you. Feelings may temporarily slow you down. But it’s important to not stop feeling.
After this mini-meltdown, I continued with my day. I resisted the urge to stray from my daily goals, which was hard. Decided to work alone in the basement instead of upstairs with my husband. After the dust settled, I wrote down a few key takeaways as a silver lining. I decided to share my story and takeaways in case anyone else is battling the ups and downs of being ambitious.
A few takeaways I am bringing forward with me:
1. Let special moments be special by being in the moment. My plan to help achieve this: On special occasions, after I finish work, I will be putting my phone on silent or on airplane mode. I will unplug and give my family 100% of my time.
2. Allow yourself to feel things. Both positive and negative. But do not dwell on either of them. Feelings produce energy, try to channel that energy into something that brings you back to a less volatile state of mind.
3. Actively remind yourself that nobody else defines you. You know who you are and when insecurities take over, remove yourself from the situation and remind yourself of who you are.
4. Living success to success is just as volatile as living paycheck to paycheck. Do not allow ANYONE, or ANYTHING to leave you emotionally bankrupt.
5. Do not judge yourself for how you feel or what makes you feel. You are a masterpiece in process and it’s okay if you are not always strong.
Remember, the more you try, the more disappointments you will face. But even though ships are safer in the harbour, that is not what ships are for. Reset your mind, reset your day, and kill it, ladies!
For more real estate stories, listen to Natalie’s podcast “Real Estate Chat With Nat
For more motivation make sure to check out The 5 Things You Should Start Doing Today
Great article, Natalie! We’ve all had those sad bombs and you gave solid advice!