The Art of Not Caring: Social Media Hate? Not My Problem. 🍎

A lesson in selective caring, inspired by Mark Manson’s “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck”*

When I published my recent piece “Has Society Become Too Promiscuous?” on Pretty & Smart Co., I knew it would spark conversation. What I didn’t anticipate was the sheer volume of vitriol that would follow or how utterly unbothered I would be by it.

The comments ranged from thoughtful disagreement to outright personal attacks. I was called everything from “prudish” to far worse. Anonymous accounts emerged from the digital woodwork with their keyboards blazing. And through it all, I felt something I have trained myself to feel: absolutely nothing.

Not indifference born of numbness, but a profound sense of clarity about what deserves my emotional energy and what doesn’t.

The Finite Nature of Our Emotional Energy

Mark Manson’s bestselling book “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck” opens with a counterintuitive premise: we all have a limited amount of emotional energy to give in life, so we better choose wisely where we spend it. The secret to a good life isn’t eliminating problems or avoiding criticism. It’s choosing the right problems and caring about the right things.

When I read those nasty comments about my editorial piece, I had a choice. I could spend my precious emotional currency on strangers hiding behind anonymous profiles, or I could invest it in what actually matters: my family, my values, my genuine relationships, and the important conversations I believe need to happen in our society.

The choice was easy.

The Mirror of Social Media Hate

Here’s what I’ve learned from a few years in the public eye: social media hate says absolutely nothing about you and everything about the person spewing it. When someone takes time out of their day to craft a cruel message to a stranger, they’re revealing their own inner landscape: their frustrations, insecurities, and pain.

Think about it: happy, fulfilled people don’t spend their evenings typing vicious comments to people they’ve never met. They’re too busy living their actual lives, pursuing their actual goals, and nurturing their actual relationships.

The anonymous troll calling me names? That’s not about me. That’s about whatever void they’re trying to fill by tearing down others. The person questioning my intelligence, my character, my worth? They’re projecting their own self-doubt onto a convenient target.

I refuse to internalize someone else’s emotional baggage.

The Freedom of Not Caring

There’s something liberating about truly not caring about social media criticism. It frees you to have the conversations that matter, even when they’re uncomfortable. It allows you to speak your truth without constantly calculating how it will be received by the masses.

When I wrote about society and promiscuity, I wasn’t trying to be controversial for clicks. I was exploring a topic I genuinely believe deserves discussion. The fact that it triggered such strong reactions only reinforced my belief that these conversations are necessary- even if they’re difficult.

But here’s the key: I can only have these conversations authentically because I’ve made peace with the fact that not everyone will like what I have to say. And that’s okay. In fact, it’s better than okay. It’s essential.

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The Block Button Paradox

I have the power to block every nasty comment, to curate my online experience into a perfect echo chamber where everyone agrees with me. It would be so easy. One click, and poof: no more negativity.

But I won’t do it.

Not because I enjoy being insulted (I don’t), but because I believe in something bigger than my own comfort: the principle of free speech. If I believe people should be free to express their views, even views I disagree with, then that has to include the right to express those views to me, even unflatteringly.

The moment I start silencing voices simply because they’re critical is the moment I compromise my own principles. And my principles are worth more than my comfort.

Choosing Your Battles Wisely

Manson writes about the importance of choosing your values carefully because they determine what you care about, and what you care about determines how you spend your life. My values include intellectual honesty, meaningful dialogue, and the courage to discuss difficult topics.

Protecting my ego from internet strangers? Not on the list.

Creating content that contributes to important conversations? Absolutely on the list.

This doesn’t mean I’m immune to criticism or that I never doubt myself. It means I’ve learned to distinguish between criticism worth considering (thoughtful disagreement from people I respect) and noise worth ignoring (anonymous vitriol from people who don’t know me).

The former helps me grow. The latter is just distraction.

The Thick Skin Revolution

In our current digital landscape, developing thick skin isn’t just helpful: it’s essential. The alternative is a world where only the most bland, inoffensive content survives, where every voice is modulated to avoid triggering anyone, anywhere, ever.

That’s not a world I want to live in.

I want to live in a world where we can have robust debates about difficult topics. Where we can disagree without being disagreeable. Where the response to speech we don’t like is more speech, not silence.

But that world is only possible if we collectively decide to stop caring so much about what strangers think of us online.

The Real Conversation

While I’m not bothered by the personal attacks, I am energized by the substantive responses my editorial piece generated. People shared their own experiences, their different perspectives, their thoughtful disagreements. These are the conversations that matter, the ones that happen when we move past the noise and engage with the actual ideas.

That’s what I’m here for. Not to be universally liked (impossible), not to avoid all criticism (pointless), but to contribute to the conversations that shape our society.

Your Turn to Stop Caring

If you’re reading this and you’ve been holding back from expressing your genuine thoughts because you’re afraid of the backlash, I have a message for you: the backlash is not about you.

The people who will attack you for sharing your honest perspective are not your people. They never were. You’re not losing anything real when you disappoint them.

But you are losing something real when you silence yourself to avoid their disapproval. You’re losing your voice, your authenticity, your contribution to the world.

Start small. Share one genuine thought that you’ve been holding back. Notice how the world doesn’t end when not everyone agrees with you. Notice how the people who matter (the ones who know you, love you, and respect you) don’t abandon you for having opinions.

Most importantly, notice how good it feels to be authentically yourself, even when it’s messy.

Final Thoughts

I launched Pretty & Smart Co. because I believe we need more spaces for honest conversation, not fewer. I wrote about promiscuity in society because I think it’s a topic worth exploring.

The fact that some people responded with hate says nothing about the value of these conversations and everything about the state of our discourse. But I refuse to let their inability to engage constructively silence my voice or anyone else’s.

So here’s to caring about what truly matters. Here’s to thick skin and thoughtful discourse. Here’s to the conversations that matter, even when they’re hard.

And here’s to all of you who support these important dialogues, even when you don’t always agree with every word.

Thank you, dear followers. To everyone else hiding behind fake profiles: thanks for proving my point. Have a wonderful day. 😉

Related reading: Why delayed responses are not personal · Why AI cannot solve loneliness · Why women should advocate for themselves

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What topics do you think deserve more honest conversation in our society? Share your thoughts in the comments. I promise I won’t block you, even if we disagree.