Things to Consider Before Starting to “Try”

There are so many things to consider when you embark on the journey of parenthood. Now that I’m here, here is my list of a few things to consider before starting to “try”.

I honestly can’t say I always knew I wanted to have kids. It was an idea I knew I would be open to, but for me, having the “right” partner was so crucial in making this decision. I thought I may never be able to commit myself to moving forward. The idea of having a family has always appealed to me, but I hated the idea of being vulnerable, and tying myself to one person for a lifetime seemed like the ultimate in vulnerability. I always knew I wanted to get married, but even marriage has an exit plan. Whereas becoming a mother does not.

After meeting my husband, I realized that being vulnerable didn’t necessarily mean having to be scared. Now, this realization came from multiple tests over a 7 year period. But ultimately I knew I had found a space I could feel safely vulnerable in.

How?

There are times your relationships with people are truly tested. Whether it is through getting a new job, making new friends, or more serious things like dealing with grief and loss. It is in these crucial moments your casual dating relationship either elevates to the “serious” category, or disintegrates into good memories with a side of heart ache. I can safely say that I have found the latter to be more common. Having only really discovered the former once, after years of actively dating and searching.

Now, after 6 years of dating and 1 year of marriage, my husband and I decided to embark on our journey of “trying”. Having known more people who suffered from fertility issues than not, I thought I was in for a long and complicated journey. I thought we would have lots of time to make sure this was truly the right move for us at this point in life. These are a few things to consider before starting to “try”.

1. You never truly know how long it will take YOU

Many of us spend years trying to avoid pregnancy before we are ready for it. Regardless if it is prescription contraception or natural ways of avoiding pregnancy. We dance around this topic without knowing if we can conceive or not. I believed it would take me months or even years to conceive.

After me and my husband tried for the first time, we were happy but there was a part of us that felt panicked. We started thinking of all the places we wanted to travel that just wouldn’t be suitable for a baby. We started thinking of those grand plans we hadn’t quite done yet. The career aspirations that may be more difficult with a child, and felt the fear of vulnerability creep into our safe world.

But little did we know, we were already on our way to being parents. Almost immediately after we tried, I started feeling more tired, almost flu like, with an elevated temperature which I brushed off. It wasn’t until two weeks later when I was at a party and hugged someone where it all clicked, “why is my chest sore?”, and then reality hit.

We bought a test kit that night, and two tests later we celebrated our future baby by calling our parents and moving the wine into storage.

2. Don’t get caught up on how people tell you you SHOULD look or FEEL

After a few days of processing and lots of discussion with my husband, we felt the excitement creep in. Having one of my closest friends one month pregnant, I called her to let her know I would be on this journey with her. We were both so excited, and promptly began downloading the apps to help understand the journey more clearly.

The apps, articles and opinions of others can be really helpful in visualizing how the next 9 months will go, but they can also lead you to feel a little judged. A crucial thing to remember is that everybody’s bodies are different, and that is okay.

I started feeling pregnant and noticing changes in my body right away. I kept a photo log and was bigger than most of my friends who were barely showing at 3 or 4 months. My growth slowed down mid-way and then began again towards the end. My doctor kept reminding me not to worry or compare myself and reassured me my weight was in a healthy range.

“Battling a tendency to find the faults in our body’s shape and size, can be a mental battle that I encourage you to try and silence as early as possible.”

It is important you feel you can progress in this time without adding negative self-talk to the equation. Thinking positively will help you through those rough days of exhaustion and nausea.

3. Plan to grow much bigger than you may think

I would encourage any newly pregnant woman (especially those with a very busy lifestyle) to buy a few staple maternity items as early as possible. Over the past few months there have been many days where I tried to avoid wearing a bra or pants.

Everyday a new shirt just wouldn’t be long enough. I would wish I had bought more clothing items for a mix of work and leisure in the very beginning when I was fueled by the excitement to do it and could benefit from the clothes longer. A few must- haves for me were:

Maternity blazer
Maternity pencil skirt
Leggings
Long maternity tops
Stretchy maternity bras
Maternity jeans
Loose pajamas

*My favourites we all from Thyme in store or online. Beware of the online ’boutique’ stores that don’t offer refunds.

4. Traveling may not be as much fun – or anything else for that matter

The idea of a #babymoon sounds very romantic, and it certainly can be. However, I may change a few things about how we planned ours. We decided to take an adventurous trip to Paris, Nice and Monaco for our last trip as a twosome. The sites were gorgeous and it checked a few things off the bucket list. However, I found my energy and mood were just not the same.

Also, flying when you are pregnant is not fun – nobody mentioned that to me. I tried to walk around the plane to keep up the circulation … it didn’t work very well and my legs and feet got very swollen for days after.

Once we landed, I found the walking to be difficult, the heat to be unbearable (thank you European #heatwave) and the small things that would usually not bother me to be extra frustrating. I must share that the airline had lost our luggage with all my maternity clothes in it. Finding maternity clothes in Paris turned out to be near impossible.

But these things happen. If I wasn’t pregnant, something like this would just be an excuse to buy new clothes. Instead it was an uphill battle. That seriously took a toll on my comfort and overall enjoyability of the first 3 days. I may suggest a less active trip to an expecting mother and recommend a beach vacation where everything is in close proximity.

Also, having a partner willing to rub your feet and legs at any given time is a bonus.

“Make sure to ask for what you need and don’t suffer in silence. This is a two person journey and we need to help guide our husbands in their desire to support us.”

 

Hopefully these anecdotes and tips will help anyone who is beginning to “try”. Remember to be very vocal and open with your partner.

Women’s bodies go through so many physical changes during pregnancy. Unless you expressly convey what you are feeling and thinking your partner will not understand. Afterall, they are our strong supporters, but they don’t physically feel the changes. That means they won’t know how to be there for you unless you are open with them. I hope a few these things to consider before starting to “try”, help you in your decision!

Good luck on your baby making journey, remember to remind yourself of your own why when things get tough. Or maybe you’re a new mom, check out Taylor, she’s got you covered if you’re working on balancing your relationship with a newborn.