As a result of upbringing, cultural and societal molding, or simply personal experiences, many women do not know how to advocate for themselves and speak on their opinions and ideas. Instead — in attempt to maintain peace and keep out of conflict — women often choose to remain quiet and agree with the majority when diverging opinions and potential for arguments arise. Worse, some women genuinely believe that their ideas are not worth fighting.
I am writing to challenge this way of thinking.
What if, in situations with opposing opinions, women encourage one another to advocate for themselves, voicing their perspectives boldly and confidently? People can’t read our minds or thoughts — and that’s exactly why it’s important to share them. It may bring an entirely new perceptive to someone, or even prove to be beneficial for the greater good of everyone involved.
This isn’t about incessantly arguing in order to prove our point or defend our ego. We need to have the awareness and humility to acknowledge when we are wrong or have insufficient knowledge in a certain matter. Instead, it’s about trusting your judgement and believing that your opinion deserves to be heard —even if your perspective differs from what’s already been said.
The practice of advocating for yourself as a woman is incredibly important, and has many real-life benefits.
For instance, there have been countless cases where doctors have given their medical opinions, and had the woman not been persistent in requesting further testing or scans, serious illnesses would have gone undiagnosed. It is this kind of advocacy (either for yourself or for your children), this willingness to challenge a medical professionals opinion and ask for more, that can result in lives being saved.
In the professional realm, there are also many cases where, had a woman not shared her idea — despite fear of judgment — a long-standing problem might never have been solved. Her voice may end up making a meaningful impact, despite an initial fear of judgement.
And of course, there are the classic examples where if a woman had not dared to ask for a promotion or tackle a salary negotiation, she would have never obtained the compensation that she rightly deserved.
This being said, it is important to note that there are specific ways to navigate these situations. You must treat all discussions with care and have valid reasons to back yourself up. However, the point remains that you are the only person that is able advocate for yourself (we cannot hope for someone to do it for us). The worst that can happen is being met with a ‘no’, which only leaves you in the same position you started in. And yet, by speaking up for yourself, you open the door for the potential of finally getting a ‘yes’.
In the pursuit of advocating for yourself — in the workplace, in relationships, for your family — you should not overly concern yourself with how you are coming across and what people might think of you. Generally, most people are more concerned with their own problems and situations, and often do not think too much (or too long) about others. People are not against you and are simply more interested in themselves — perhaps women can use a bit more of this mindset in their day-to-day lives.
So, the next time you want to ask for something for yourself, instead of being afraid of judgement or concerned with causing conflict, simply just ask. Even if you do not obtain what you want, having the courage to ask is certainly something to be proud of. In advocating for yourself and believing in the value of what you have to say, you learn to trust yourself and your worth, knowing that what you have to say is important.
Who knows?! You might be met with a ‘no’ this time, but you might be met with ‘yes’ the next!
Written by Sharon Lie
About Sharon
Sharon Lie lives in Brossard, Quebec and is originally from Mauritius. She works as a scientist and is also a mental health advocate. She enjoys volunteering, reading and writing and has recently developed a passion in travelling. She has recently been through experiences which have taught her that life is a wonderful journey that goes by too fast, and we should therefore aim as much as we can to live happily and peacefully.
