If your mental health was suffering, would you know it?
I didn’t. No matter how bad I felt, I called it ‘situational stress.’ I had too much work, too many appointments, too little time to relax. It never crossed my mind that something else was at play. Self-care wasn’t working. Journalling was too hard, meditation too dull, and exercise became an obsession. No matter how many times I tried fixing ‘a sense of impending doom‘ with chamomile tea and lemon, it didn’t work.
It was like trying to break down a brick wall with good intentions and a feather duster.
While self-care is fantastic and essential, sometimes health care is what you need. No matter how many times I told myself that doing ‘ one more thing’ would make me calm and set me on solid ground. There was always one more calamity, one more thing to do, one more hour spent with a tight chest and a scattered mind.
No one knew how chaotic I felt. I excelled in most areas, but success only made it harder, turning up the pressure and setting a high bar. I wanted to be ‘the girl who had it all together.’ As long as I was doing well, there was nothing wrong. Of course, I would know if something was wrong. At least, I thought I would know. In reality, my problems escaped me completely as I learned to hide them from even myself.
“Movies aren’t engaging” = I can’t force myself to pay attention that long.
“I’m a tidy person” = I’m cleaning because if I stop moving, I’ll stress.
“I don’t need much sleep” = I can’t sleep for more than four hours.
It wasn’t until I spoke to a counsellor that I realized my patterns were abnormal. I wanted him to help me find a way out of a difficult situation, but he did a lot more. He gave me the tools to handle the problem without the world falling apart. The prospect of medication was scary, but eventually, I was convinced. You can’t handle every physical problem with diet and exercise, and not every mental problem is situational. Sometimes chemicals need to be evened out, and carefully using medication can improve general health through lower stress levels, improved sleep, increased focus, and more.
The day I admitted there was a problem and dropped my stigma against medication, the world stood still. No, literally, my head was spinning, and I didn’t even know it. Life was calm and clear for the first time. I didn’t know how bad I felt until I felt better. Somehow, my head had been spinning, and I was too busy to notice.
None of this is to imply that medication is the only solution. In many cases, you can improve your mental health through self-care such as:
These methods are fantastic and can improve your life a great deal. However, be honest about whether self-care is genuinely helping. There is nothing wrong with needing medical help. You would never hide from the hospital after breaking your arm, would you?
Reach out, get assistance, and know that everyone struggles. Even the girls who ‘have it all together’ can’t do it alone. Needing help isn’t a weakness. It’s the strength to know your limits and respect them. Talk to a friend, talk to a counsellor, and talk to a doctor if all else fails. Whatever you do, don’t wait too long.
If you are in crisis, contact your local mental health crisis centre.
