Vacationing without the kids. The fears, the reasons, the takeaways. As I sat in the doctor’s office at my 13-week appointment, with tears in my eyes, exhausted, and ready to “quit.” I realized I needed a break. Vacationing without my son seemed extreme, but could it be what I needed? Would we even enjoy a vacation without him?
I spoke to several people I knew and many of them hadn’t taken a vacation without the kids. The idea of going made me nervous, but something was telling me it may be exactly what I needed. This was my journey to deciding to take a “vacation without the kids, or in my case, kid”.
After having our first baby, we went through the same adjustment period that everyone goes through. It was filled with emotions, excitement, insecurities and a relationship that took the punches with grace and resilience. My husband and I went from being two professionals operating our lives together, to two committed parents – still with careers and ambitions, both professionally and personally. Anyone who has been there understands the inevitable rollercoaster, and up until 3 months ago, I felt like we had found our rhythm.
Three months ago, our now two and a half year old son, started hopping out of his crib and joining us in bed. At first, it was so sweet as we cuddled the nights away together. However, the extra cuddles lead to far less sleep than anyone should get. This, coupled with being in my first trimester of my second pregnancy, and a busy work schedule, was a difficult recipe. I quickly felt the debilitating effects of extreme exhaustion creeping in to my daily life. My husband felt the exhaustion too, and because it was every night, the compounding factors lead to the unchartered territory for us.
Everything in life suddenly felt harder.
The simple task of cooking dinner, which used to bring me joy, became a chore that was too much for me to face every night. I started stocking our fridge with pre-made frozen dinners, M&M Meats became my new best friends, but even the act of warming up the meals felt overwhelming some nights.
This is not who I am.
The house started to get so messy. Everything started to slip. Then, all 3 of us got covid, my husband felt the symptoms differently than me and Leo, instead he manifested similarly to symptoms of depression.
It felt like we were drowning.
I can honestly say, I had never felt anything like what I was feeling before. One of the most difficult parts was having no time to reflect and strategies on a plan to make things better. Every day was filled with multiple tasks and duties that had to be done. By the time 8:00 pm came, I would be falling asleep in my son’s bed. There was just no time. My husband and I lost our evenings together. We were operating in survival mode, and it’s ironic that once you’re in this mode, you are barely surviving.
Feeling like we couldn’t handle much more, we got hit again.
At my 13 week appointment, my doctor told me that something irregular showed up in my blood and we needed to do more tests to make sure the baby was okay. In addition to this, she let me know I have early onset of gestational diabetes.
It was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I burst into tears in front of my doctor. My brilliant, sweet, polite, insightful, doctor, who I enjoy going to see, was seeing me at my absolute worst. As I sobbed about the inability to keep up and the mounting pressures of life, she gave me some really great advice that I will share in case anyone else reading this may need to hear it too.
- Start saying “No” without explanations. No can be a full sentence.
- The cleanliness of your home has nothing to do with WHO you are. It may indicate you are too busy to clean it, and you should hire someone to help you. AND THAT’S OKAY!
- Ask for more help. Ask your mom, sister, neighbour, or whoever you can trust to watch your son one night a week while you try and navigate these challenges. If he can sleep over, even better.
- You don’t have to work with everyone who wants to work with you right now. Let this be the time where you are just as selective with who you hire as a client, as the people who are hiring you as an agent.
If COVID didn’t make hugging socially unacceptable, I would have given her a huge hug. My red, tear-filled eyes were less noticeable with a mask on, and I hobbled away to my car. (I am writing this 6 weeks after this appointment and luckily the baby is healthy. She is also a girl!)
I really thought about what she said, and found her words echoing in my head. Then I released myself from the constant guilt I felt over not being the “super” mom, wife and worker I wanted to be. I started asking for more help, even though I struggle with asking for it sometimes. Then I stopped feeling so guilty that I was feeling overwhelmed by the lack of sleep and compounding factors facing me. I reminded myself that these feelings were probably normal and that feeling them was okay. They were not a reflection of how I felt about my son, life or husband.
I allowed myself to be human.
With this, came a shift to thinking about what myself and my husband needed to find our rhythm again. Not only together, but as individuals. I started thinking about what may make us happy. I felt we needed a break.
A break from trying to be all things to all people.
So I booked us a trip. It was an impulsive, expensive and maybe even a selfish choice. The hotel is adults only, so Leo is not able to come, no matter how much we wanted him to as we got closer to the trip. The flight was non-refundable, so we were committed to making this happen.
As I packed my bags and Leo’s bags for his week with family members. A week away from us. I felt so guilty, but also knew I was doing the right thing.
We all need to be happy to be a happy family.
Moments ago, as the plane was heading down the runway, I couldn’t stop crying. Again the masks prove to have a dual purpose. I will miss my baby. But I am hopeful this break will help. I am writing this from the plane, with high hopes that we made the right decision.
The next time I write, it will be following our trip, on the way home. I will also write a full travel review for our stay at Sandals Grenada. If you feel like you need a break, check out My Guide to A Quick New York City Trip
